soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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