Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
