I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
