Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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