Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
this just has baby written all over it
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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