Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
