RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just high enough for therapy.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
