she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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