I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
