there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
