DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
