I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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