just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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