I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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