Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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