I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
