R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize