I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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