Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
