STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
