I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
