Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
