I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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