He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
my penis made a compromise with my morals
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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