I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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