Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
