My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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