I hate your face
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
