it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
