His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
