if i can run in heels then i can drive
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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