he wants to bone in the snuggie
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
