then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
