Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
