i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
My pussy is not your playground.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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