Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
