If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Randomize
