shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
