this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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