My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
