my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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