I think I am morally bankrupt
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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