So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
