just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
