I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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