If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
