What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
