i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize