I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
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