You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
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