just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
