may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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