I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
