Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
