....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
