do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
