dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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