Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
