i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
