First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
