The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
