My hair reeks of homosexuality.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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