Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
