i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
