the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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