I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
