we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
