you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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