Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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